Friday, January 30, 2009

And again.

When I lost my job at the church, I was heartbroken. I felt as though a dear lover had rejected me. I cried hard. For days.

Here we are again. I enjoyed the work I did at Adec more than I did the church. I liked my co-workers better. There was less stress. More sunshine. My time there was only a fourth what I spent at the other, but that's still half a year... long enough to fall in love. But I'm not torn up over it.

I'm sad, sure. I loved working there, I loved the dress code there, all the people, how gracious my boss was. But I never fell in love with anything while I was there - with the job, with a hobby, with a man. I have memories in that office, but none that hold any great passion. Can it be that the tragedy of losing the job at the church had more to do with feeling cut off from the memory, the reality of the joys and sorrows I'd felt while there? Is the current tragedy that I spent six months without any passion at all and so had nothing emotional to lose?

I might could shed a few tears over that.

*Edit* Or maybe that's not it at all. Maybe it was the complete lack of rejection. Not, "We don't feel like you were a good fit" or "I found someone I liked better" or "You failed... but we're too nice to go into exactly why we're letting you go." It was just, "We love you! But we've run out of things for you to do and your department had all of its budget cut this year. We hate that it had to go down this way.... We'll be in touch if anything comes up!"

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