Saturday, March 31, 2012

bad guys and good guys

Have you ever noticed that you tend to compartmentalize people into bad guys and good guys? I hope someone else out there does... or else I'll REALLY feel like a bad guy!

Every story you hear seems to portray people in this way - David and Goliath, Jesus and the Pharisees, Cinderella and the Step Mother, John Preston and Father, the Jews and Hitler. The good guys usually have some sort of flaw, but the bad guys are just BAD.

Life don't work that way. I'd like to propose that people mostly think they're doing the right thing as they do it, or at least that what wrong they're doing is excusable because it's one of the the least evil options that will let them get their own way... they don't acknowledge evil actions as "evil" so much as "well... but this is what's best for ME." Or think about Hitler from Hitler's perspective. Didn't he think he was doing the right thing for his country and humanity? I'd argue that few people do evil things that they regard as inherently evil, for the sake of doing something evil, because they enjoy hurting people. Most people are much too preoccupied with themselves and how to make themselves feel good to worry about how it'll affect someone else - for good or bad.

I try to believe the best about people. That they didn't know what they were doing or it was an accident or they were just having a bad day. This can mean I spend a LOT of time thinking about the actions of others for the sake of viewing it in the best light. Some people make this harder than others, like, for me, it's easiest with people I either don't know from Adam or who I am already very close to (funny how that works) but I digress.

I was deeply hurt recently by someone very close to my heart. I tried to explain it away, to make excuses for it, to see if I was overreacting... but no. It really was a conscious decision to deliberately deceive me on multiple levels with no intention of coming clean about it if at all possible.

Mom, I know you're going to want more details. Please don't ask me. I don't want to dwell on it any longer.

My point in sharing this is: what now? Do you get angry? Do you walk away never to speak to them again? Do you forgive them and pretend you didn't find out their secret? That's the other thing I hope I'm not the only one guilty of, and it's in the same vein - I desperately want to deal in absolutes. Either I forgive you and we're okay or you're guilty and I'll try not to hold a grudge but you are no longer part of my life.

But I tried to see it from their perspective. The deception was intentional, but what was the motivation? Unfortunately for my desire for absolutes, this is not the "best friend" who turns out to be Tony Stark's Obadiah. It's just a normal person who sometimes thinks it better to withhold the truth for the sake of their image or because they think their pursuit of pleasure and happiness will disappoint/hurt someone and lying about it would cause less pain than if they knew the truth. Clearly they weren't TRYING to hurt me, but rather the opposite... in a twisted, self-serving sort of way. The goal was not to make me feel bad... only to make them feel good. They were just trying to please themselves and probably trying NOT to think about the way the consequences would effect those around them. Is that loving? Is that considering others above yourself? No. But to say it's intentionally UNloving is misleading, and that's what I tend to do.

And unfortunately I imagine that's what happens in a lot of marriages that fail. It need not even be infidelity. It could just be, "He obviously doesn't love me. How many times have I told him to put his socks in the hamper??" You feel unloved. You've even given him the benefit of the doubt and EXPRESSED your frustration rather than expecting him to read your mind and KNOW that a guy should pick up after himself even after he's married. But from his perspective? He had a hard day. He was distracted. Probably thinking about YOUR cute butt swishing around as you cooked dinner downstairs! I'm not a guy, but I know cute butts take precedence over laundry.

Few things grieve me as much in life as people who take offense at harmless thoughtlessness and mistakes, which is why I try to see things in the best light. So sometimes you can't explain away the circumstances or exonerate them entirely, but I think usually you can rest assured that the pain you feel wasn't part of their plan. Whether they blinded themselves to the wrong they did or they really just didn't know, they didn't mean to cause you pain.

I'm not saying that makes it okay. I'm not saying they're in the right in what they did. I'm not saying it's not sin and inherently wrong to fail to act lovingly even at the risk of your own happiness. I'm not saying you aren't allowed to run from certain situations that endanger you mentally or physically... or guard your heart against the words of a friend who isn't always truthful. What I AM saying is that forgiveness can be a lot easier if you try to see the situation from their side. When I feel sinned against and don't forgive, it's easy to get angry and judge and say harsh things and... indulge in the same sin and become the "bad guy" who is just out for self-serving and concentrating only on how *I* want to feel. But that person who hurt me? They're not the bad guy... they just weren't very good. True of all of us most of the time, yes?

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Ripped in 30. Or something.

So... I turned it into "Ripped in 75." But I think I've decided I'm done. Like, I officially just did the week four workout for the last time.

I did week one for a week and a half.
Week two needed two weeks.
Week three stuck around for three weeks.
And week four... well, technically I DID do it for four weeks, but that first week was the week of my birthday, and I only did a workout once that week. I was too busy celebratin'. :-/

I did it that way because I'd get to the end of the week and think, "I'm still struggling with this. And the next one will be MORE difficult?? Let's try this again...." That's why it took me so long. YMMV.

So it begs the question.

I mean, I've never ACTUALLY done anything like this to completion. "Do XYZ for ## days and look like THIS!" And granted, there is a proposed meal plan to go along with the workouts that I did not follow, but I have eaten pretty well the whole time.

Did I lose weight? Yes! Only about ten pounds, but it's a great feeling to see a different tens-digit when I step on the scale. I'm finally starting to see my clothes fit a tiny bit better, too.

Did I build muscle? HECK yeah! I've possibly never been this all-over toned in my life. It feels great.

Am I ripped? No. No, I would not consider my condition to be one of rippedness.

So the question I'm begging. What do you do when you're done? Even if you reach your goal weight and look ripped and are friggin excited about how healthy your life has become... one day, the plan will end. Are you supposed to go out and buy another DVD? (Amazon reviews of her videos are funny, btw. people grade them down because THEY can't do them. what's funnier is one comment will say "I'm only in decent shape and it was too easy for me" and the next will say "I workout with weights and run all the time and this was too hard!" o_O) Do you just do the most difficult workout over and over for the rest of your life? Obviously you can't just STOP because your body will quickly get worse than it was when you started.

I guess they put time limits on it for all the people who are anxious - they have a swimsuit to buy or a prom to go to or a wedding to slim down for... they want to know how long they should do a certain workout so they know when they have to start in order to make it to their goals on time. Maybe.

Me? I think I'm just going to start over. See if I can make it through and only spend a week on each workout this time, LOL. And each workout is totally unique so I'm really not bored with any of them on this DVD yet... but I imagine one day I will be. *worried face*

TENJOOBERRYMUDS

Christy sent this to me at work back in 2010. I think of it often... and have to bite my tongue from using it. At least now I can use it with my family. ^_^


In order to continue getting-by in America, we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term

"TENJOOBERRYMUDS".

With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.


The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and call room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today.......

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
Room Service: "Rye. Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"
Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs.."
Room Service: "Ow July den?"
Guest: ".....What??"
Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... Pryed, boyud, poochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please."
Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
Guest: "What?"
Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"
Guest: "I... Don't think so."
RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."
RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RoomService: "We bodder?"
Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."
RoomService: "Wad?!?"
Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side."
RoomService: "Copy?"
Guest: "Excuse me?"
RoomService: "Copy...tea..meel?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything."
RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy .... Rye ??"
Guest: "Whatever you say.."
RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds."
Guest: "You're welcome"

Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' ".......and you do, don't you?!