recycled questions - new subject same story

I don't read minds. Few people do, you know. Yet all too many people will get their feelings hurt or worse because their expectations of how they should be treated or reacted to were not met. "You didn't apologize when I accused you. You didn't send me a thank you note. Well, obviously I didn't mean that - how stupid are you? Here, let me flog you for your imperfections." Who are you kidding? What satisfaction is there in an apology that is required? In appreciation that is expected? And of course you're going to be disappointed if you expect everyone to understand you all the time. "Judge not, lest ye be judged. Vengeance is Mine." Because see, then I get *my* feelings hurt because I don't feel like *I* was treated with any respect. That my mistakes, real or perceived, innocent or grievous, ought to be forgivable. I judge the other's judgment. I want to say, "You're setting yourself up for disappointment! Save yourself the agony and loosen up. No one is going to live up to those expectations." But then where is MY forgiveness? My only question is: are we dealing with "seeing clearly to remove the speck," or is it "pearls before swine"? In other words, is it worth saying anything at all when you're pretty sure the person isn't a believer? Why would a non-believer care? But if you're not positive... or if they could be won by having wisdom spoken.... And in either case, at what point, if ever, are you supposed to defend yourself? Or do you just let the person judge you, let them think what they want, hate you because you gave them no reason to think that the lies they believed about you weren't true for the sake of keeping peace/saving face? Why do I find this such a difficult lesson to learn?