In the Zone

“I dread going in. I get along okay with the folks there, but I'm uncomfortable almost the whole time, like I can't get a deep breath or ever really relax. Like my skin’s gonna get up and crawl away. I leave early nearly every time, feeling exhausted and miserable.”

“So why do you go to care group?”

Why indeed.

I go to a church that, like any good church, is big on fellowship and relationships. God has created us with a need to share life with people, to need input from other people to help us be strong when we're weak, to help us keep going in the right direction. I have no contention with this. But to them, this idea requires you to be involved in care group.

 

I go because I feel obligated. I go because everyone keeps telling me it’s good for me… still waiting to see that come about, though. And I go because people keep telling me to get out of my comfort zone.

But really, do I EVER get to spend any time IN my comfort zone? I mean, for crying out loud, I WENT to church on Sunday, didn’t I? I even walked right up to people and talked to them! And I go to work 5-7 days a week, where I'm required to interact with strangers, even over the phone! And then there’s yoga class. And the open mic. And I interacted with the folks at the table next to mine at Coffee Underground. And I was chatty with the strangers at Aldi.

I done already GOT outta mah comfort zone.

Why is “group” (call it house church or care group or home group or Meet Up or whatever) so important? If the reason people are so concerned about me is that they think I’m not spending time with Christians, then why are they not satisfied to hear that I share a meal with someone once or twice a week, spending the same amount of time, just engaging in a different social activity? Why does it HAVE to be with a group at least 30 people strong?

I skipped the church picnic last night. I really didn’t mean to. But I’d “dropped by” a friend’s house for “just a minute” and never did make it out of the driveway before the picnic was half over and I was half an hour away. We was fellowshippin’. And shouldn’t I feel BETTER about that? You go to a social event and you may or may not make a worthwhile connection… but I know I did!

One of the main points I took away from that conversation was this: I’ve never learned how to say, “No, I’m right, and you’re wrong” when it comes to feelings and opinions. As if it’s the epitome of “Pride comes before the fall!” to say, “Thanks for your input, but actually, I’ve tried/considered that, and this works better for me.” I know how to hear an opposing viewpoint… now I need to figure out how not to feel guilty for thinking I could possibly know what’s better for me.

Apparently this is a recurring theme for me:

http://learningbeautiful.blogspot.com/2012/05/church-soapbox.html

I'm an Introvert.

This is hardly news to me, but with all the “You might be an introvert if…” articles circulating FB right now, it’s more obvious now than ever.

And I’m actually kinda grateful for those articles.

I go to a spectacular church. But like any organization that serves multiple hundreds of people, you can’t please everyone. My church is hyper concerned (NOT a bad thing) with relationships, but this line of instruction makes no allowance for people who can’t handle more than a handful of people.

The thought of church-wide picnics, even outdoors with no walls to confine you, fills me with dread. Zumba doesn’t require interaction, so the crowd doesn’t matter if it’s not too bad, but as fun as contra-dance is, it’s hard to psych myself into going because you have to be face to face with so many people. I love going out all by myself – coffee shops, hiking trails, pool halls – no conversation required.

Suddenly it makes sense why I like “boring” jobs – introverts don’t do as well with being overstimulated. I’m not alone in feeling trapped if I don’t have an escape route when in a group. I’m not snooty for thinking small talk is a ridiculous waste of time. It’s normal for introverts to have just a few friends, and not want to be around them all the time… but to feel terribly lonely if they don’t have some best friend to share thoughts with. If I can be alone with one to three people, I’m great. But once a fourth person tags along, I’m retreating and would rather just stay home, thanks.

And here I am, writing. Another typical characteristic. If I can send you text rather than talk to you, please, oh please, may I? It’s not because I don’t like you, but rather because I DO. It’s because I HAVE something to say, which means I think it’s important, so I want to say it well! And writing lets me be analytical and thoughtful and say things the way I mean them.

I may expound on this later, but it’s time to go. I’m going to spend a few hours with a friend, her baby, and her baby-on-the-way. Good thing the husband will be home late, or else there’d be too many people in the room. ;)