Saturday, May 3, 2008

addendum to: previous

This is mostly for my benefit, to remind myself of what is true and right.

There's more to it than trusting that insomnia will be good for me one day. I know that, but I don't often remember it when I need to. It's not just that I will be able to look back on my life and say, "Yeah, I can see how that lesson taught me this and that in the long run," but the suffering of it can and should be good for me NOW. As long as I am willing to view it in such a light, it is a way to learn to depend on and trust God because... I have nothing left. I CANNOT keep going in my own strength. But "I can do all things through Christ." I choose, by my reaction, to make it a source of grumbling, an attempt at self-reliance that leaves me dead to the world, or this freeing slavery to His will that is Good.

More often than not, I'm somewhere in the middle, still allowing myself to be weighed down by the depression that inevitably follows the third or fourth (or first...) sleepless night but not enough to be totally destroyed by it. Or I DO remember the truth, but only in these moments before another attempt at rest, only to be forgotten in my whining that it's time to get up and I haven't had enough sleep to get me through the day.

Last night's sleep was possibly the best I've had in the last 11 days. I'm grateful for that. And now I'm going to go try for another one! :-P

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

At home group today there was a couple who just had their 2nd baby. They were marvelling at the goodness of God cuz this baby sleeps already. Their 1st child cried ALL the time until they came upon a product called "Baby Bliss." The 1st time she gave it to her baby girl, she called her husband at work: "Listen...can ya hear it?" "Hear what?" he asked. "Absolute silence! She's asleep!!" She said you can get it at health food stores or Walgreens. Just thought I'd pass that on. Thinking of you. Mom