This is mostly for my benefit, to remind myself of what is true and right.
There's more to it than trusting that insomnia will be good for me one day. I know that, but I don't often remember it when I need to. It's not just that I will be able to look back on my life and say, "Yeah, I can see how that lesson taught me this and that in the long run," but the suffering of it can and should be good for me NOW. As long as I am willing to view it in such a light, it is a way to learn to depend on and trust God because... I have nothing left. I CANNOT keep going in my own strength. But "I can do all things through Christ." I choose, by my reaction, to make it a source of grumbling, an attempt at self-reliance that leaves me dead to the world, or this freeing slavery to His will that is Good.
More often than not, I'm somewhere in the middle, still allowing myself to be weighed down by the depression that inevitably follows the third or fourth (or first...) sleepless night but not enough to be totally destroyed by it. Or I DO remember the truth, but only in these moments before another attempt at rest, only to be forgotten in my whining that it's time to get up and I haven't had enough sleep to get me through the day.
Last night's sleep was possibly the best I've had in the last 11 days. I'm grateful for that. And now I'm going to go try for another one! :-P