Men are like cars, part 2

And then sometimes, on those very rare occasions, the car is exactly what you were hoping to find, inside and out.

And sometimes, on even more rare occasions, the guy you had good vibes about for no logical reason actually turns out to be someone you really enjoy... and who wants to get sushi with you sometime soon.

Sometimes, you just have to go with your gut and go for what you really want while you can.

(this is so unlike me...)

^_^

EDIT: Unfortunately, unlike cars, you can't take men to a mechanic to make sure everything is as sound as it seemed on the first couple of outings....

Men are like cars.

Car hunting is like man hunting.

You see mostly cars that aren't what you're looking for. They're out of your league, they're crappy, they're not the right color, they're just downright ugly, they don't work right.

Then you find one that looks good. The outer appearance is exactly what you're looking for, the age is right for your needs, it has all the perks and quirks that you've come to love (or wished you had) in previous cars, the transmission from this gear into the next is the kind that you need.

But you have to spend some time with the car before you can really know if it's right for you. If it looks good on the inside, whether it really can get hot and cool when you need it to be, whether its "get up and go" is reliable, how well it will open up (and also protect), whether it has a tendency to overheat....

I test drove my first beetle last night. The price was pushing my limit but the picture looked okay and the miles were low. But then I got in the car. It looked like CRAP. The whole interior was falling apart, cracking, the "radio" sounded like it was playing through a set of earbuds, the starter struggled, the engine struggled, and you got that grimy feeling you get when you've spent a while at a bowling alley. Oh, and there was black duct tape on the outside of the black car.

Black isn't my preference anyway. I'm looking at a green one tonight. It might be out of my league, and I've little confidence that it'll still be available by the time I get my turn. But I'm giving it a shot. Here's hoping the inside looks good because everything I've heard sounds amazing. Sometimes you actually get exactly what you're looking for....

trust

Why is it more difficult to rest in God's goodness for the big things than the little things? Like, when it comes to my relationship status, my health, my job, my living situation... it's easy to say God's in control of whatever was, is, or will happen to me and so I don't need to fret over it. These usually feel like "big things."

Somehow my car seems like a little thing.

I mean, I HAVE one, currently. They're everywhere. They can be bought with money (unlike health, relationships, jobs, etc). But having to buy a new one is full of problems - will my old one die before I find one? Will the new one die before I've gotten it home? Will it be a huge disappointment and a bigger waste of money? Who can I trust?

I suppose maybe it's hard to imagine Him caring about the "little things" we care about. But the fact of the matter is, His control and care is not directly proportional to the size of the danger.

I drew, tonight.

There's something so joyous about studying the face of someone who is gleeful - especially when studying to draw a portrait. No matter how attractive they were to begin with, they become more and more so as you study the angles of the mouth, the squint of the eyes, the creases of the cheeks in order to reproduce the joy they radiated when the picture was taken.

Of course, I had it easy - I was drawing my brother, who is already attractive, from a picture taken the week he got engaged, so you don't get much more gleeful than that. I kept giggling, "He's so CUTE!" in the coffee shop. ^_^

It's really difficult for me to work on a piece of art in my own home. I guess I got the hang of it with the Celtic cross I did last year... but it's hard to get into that groove with a new piece for some reason. It's like I have writer/artist's block somehow. So rather than worrying (too much) about all the empty calories, I went both to my wine tasting (wooooohoo) and then to my Sunday morning coffee shop around the corner and sat for a couple of hours working on Josh's portrait.

I have this burning to share the beauty of the world in my art, either by photography or by drawing something that makes the viewer think or just get excited about seeing an everyday thing in a new light. I think that's fantastic. But so often I put it off in order to clean or do laundry or work on another project or... whatever. It's so bad that one of my New Year's resolutions is that I'm required to allow myself four hours a week to draw, lol. But it's complicated because even if you HAVE a new piece of art or photography, you still have to GET it into the computer and edit it and re-size it and upload it and so on... it becomes so overwhelming. So maybe I need to allot ANOTHER couple of hours to that sort of thing, lol.

I really like trees. And reflections. Can you tell?

After any goal is reached....

"Think about how hard you just worked.

Most people don't show up in their own lives. They go through live every single day without being focused and bringing their "A" game.

Transformation is not a future event. It is a present activity. That is why you must bring everything that you have in every moment.

And it doesn't have to be perfect! It's not about perfect. It's about effort. You bring that effort every single day and that's where transformation happens. That's when change occurs."

~Jillian Michaels

HOW TO BE ALONE by Tanya Davis

Dad shared this with me. I liked it. Thought you might, too....



HOW TO BE ALONE by Tanya Davis

If you are at first lonely, be patient. If you've not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren't okay with it, then just wait. You'll find it's fine to be alone once you're embracing it.

We could start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. Where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books. You're not supposed to talk much anyway so it's safe there.

There's also the gym. If you're shy you could hang out with yourself in mirrors, you could put headphones in.

And there's public transportation, because we all gotta go places.

And there's prayer and meditation. No one will think less if you're hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously based on your "avoid being alone" principals.

The lunch counter. Where you will be surrounded by chow-downers. Employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town and so they -- like you -- will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.

When you are comfortable with eat lunch and run, take yourself out for dinner. A restaurant with linen and silverware. You're no less intriguing a person when you're eating solo dessert to cleaning the whipped cream from the dish with your finger. In fact some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.

Go to the movies. Where it is dark and soothing. Alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.

And then, take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. Stand on the outside of the floor till the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one's watching...because, they're probably not. And, if they are, assume it is with best of human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you're sweating, and beads of perspiration remind you of life's best things, down your back like a brook of blessings.

Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you.

Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, there're always statues to talk to and benches made for sitting give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversations you get in by sitting alone on benches might've never happened had you not been there by yourself.

Society is afraid of alonedom, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. but lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.

You could stand, swathed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your partner, look both further and farther for the endless quest for company. But no one's in your head and by the time you translate your thoughts, some essence of them may be lost or perhaps it is just kept.

Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school's groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cuz if you're happy in your head then solitude is blessed and alone is okay.

It's okay if no one believes like you. All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can't think like you, for this be relieved, keeps things interesting, life's magic things in reach.

And it doesn't mean you're not connected, that community's not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. Take silence and respect it. If you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it. If your family doesn't get you, or religious sect is not meant for you, don't obsess about it.

You could be in an instant surrounded if you needed it.
If your heart is bleeding make the best of it.
There is heat in freezing.
Be a testament.