Monday, April 21, 2008

fuzzy

I can't... quite... see. It's as though I go through the day in "that place between asleep and awake." I grasp at ideas like a vapor, and they are gone. There's a haze on everything. Listening and communicating is harder than I remember them being. I'll sit down to write and realize I've forgotten what the subject was. I've been reading more, and strangely this problem doesn't seem to affect that as much, though I admit I rarely read very much at a time.

It sounds like sleep deprivation, and the symptoms are similar, but yet different somehow... and I've been sleeping okay.

I just feel funny. And as soon as I start to wonder about it, I have to put it aside for something else - work or projects or care group or what have you.

Everything's fuzzy. And busy. And noisy. Somebody asked me yesterday why I didn't want to hang out last night. I still can't put a finger on it, but I'm looking for something. Some quiet that yet eludes me as soon as I get alone.

----------------------------------

"Why are you so petrified of silence? Here, can ya handle this?
...
Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines, or when you think you're gonna die? Or did you long for the next distraction?"


"Be still. And know. That I AM God."

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