Friday, February 6, 2009


"Don't sweat the small stuff," so they say.
"It's the little things in life," so they say.
What are they talking about?

It's like, don't worry about the little things. Don't micro-focus. Look at the big picture. Live in light of the good to come.
But then it's like, carpe diem. Make the most of this moment. Find joy in the mini victories. Do what you like and like what you do.
No wonder my head's such a mess.

I'm trying to overlook the pains of day to day life while focusing all my attention on the "sweet nothings" of that same day to day life. I'm trying to use a telescope and a microscope at the same time and all I get is confused. The only answer I've come up with so far is, "Whatever is excellent (etc. etc.) think about such things," and even that falls short because it's also "true and right" that "bad things" happen.

I mean, is it a case by case basis? If I'm discouraged by the fact that I have no passion, I should seek it in things of less importance than my normal fare? And if I'm discouraged by the fact that "everything's going wrong today," I need to dwell on the big things that REALLY matter because I mean face it, the little stuff doesn't matter. But wait, the little stuff gets me through the days of no passion.... So I guess I'm outta luck if everything goes wrong on a passionless day. -_-

The most true, the most noble, the most right thing available is God Himself. Think about Him. Well, I can only do that SO much, right? I mean, outside of a convent, there are things that need to be done other than quiet meditation 24/7. We're expected to work and support our living situation and cultivate relationships and all of these things in light of God's goodness. I need a theology that is more than a distraction. "Don't think about that. Think about God." Sometimes that will indeed solve the problem. But sometimes it just masks it and makes it worse for later.

I mean, okay. If you think about God instead of your problem, and you grow that habit, chances are good that you'll start to see circumstances in light of His goodness and grace and you won't be rocked by them. But that is no small feat to get to the point where that thought process is so habitual as to give that result. Meanwhile you're either stuffing the problem or indulging in it. What do I do TODAY? What do I do at the end of a day when I may or may not have done anything that seemed worthwhile at the time or to my logic but I lay down at night feeling like it was all a facade. Like I'm just doing stuff to do stuff and there's no heart behind it.

I had a good day; my only complaint is that everything still feels so shallow, like I'm missing a key element.

I've been thinking about this stuff for a long time. It's... still a work in progress. Also, it's time for bed. G'night all.

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