Thursday, February 26, 2009


It's been good for me. I'd not been spending my money wisely and it left me with no wiggle room when I no longer had a check coming in. I'm hoping that a month is long enough to get me to be more frugal even when the money is available.

It's gotten me to chill a little bit, too. I mean, I've been spending SO much time job hunting online and driving to places to apply, but I've still had plenty of time to sit and watch a movie at night and scan in my photography finals (and edit them!) and work on my cross stitch and do some independent study things and keep house and take three four-day weekends in a row, LOL. I might even have enjoyed some of these things a little!

But I got to thinking as I was climbing Paris Mountain yesterday (good GOSH my butt HURTS!) that I don't know where my heart has been. I mean, I haven't worried. I haven't... worried? I don't care. I'm really scared that God gave me unemployment as a chance to rely on Him, to see a crumbling world around me and trust His goodness in the sight of an unpredictable, terrifying circumstance... and that what I did instead was look Him in the eye with that bland, empty, defiant look (mom knows the one) and ask, "Is that all You got?"

Not okay. Not at all. But see... if I had the chance to do it over... I don't know what I could have done differently.
That could be because I'm trusting God, or it could be because I'm so numb that

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