Monday, November 19, 2007

weekend refreshment (pt. 1 - church)

Safe travels, there and back. Safe travels while there, too - it has long been my practice that when I wish to get acclimated with a new area, I get hopelessly turned around to the point that some might accuse me of being lost. ;-)

It was good to be at a SGM church again. But more than that... much more - the fellowship was so good. Interesting, since I'd only ever met one of the singles before (Jon Payne's cousin, LOL) and yet I was already family.

It was exhausting. The interaction and the thinking, both. I mean, I'm an introvert, right? It's not natural for me to fall immediately into conversation of any substance with a stranger. The way that is most natural to me... or let me call it my life-long habit... is to go early to the meeting, be cordial, and leave when it's over. This is true of the classroom, church, small groups, parties, you name it. For whatever reason, I can't stand lingering afterwards. Is that because I'm afraid of being known? Is it really just that large crowds overwhelm me? I mean, I'm always happy in retrospect that I was able to have a good conversation with Sue or Bob or whoever, but in the midst, I'm itching to run away.

We as Christians need accountability. We need people who know us intimately and who will ask us the questions we don't want to answer. I know this; you probably do too. But as soon as I fall into, "It's against my nature to be around a big group of people this long" I lose out on the quality, Godly fellowship.

So is it just that I was a novelty? That I announced my coming so I was duly welcomed? Anyone can put on a good act for one weekend, including me. Not that I think I was un-genuine, but I pushed myself to be out there and meet people in a way that I'm not at all certain I'd be able to maintain. Will I be the problem wherever I go because the mere idea of pursing relationships and accountability that seriously makes me want to crawl in bed and sleep for a week?

Interesting. I'm doing it again. God pounded me a number of times in this one weekend that I look too quickly for affirmation, confirmation, guidance, wisdom from other people. Some people don't do that at all, and that's not wise either, but my habit cripples me, too. This is one thing I can't get final answers on, though. Not outside of Him.

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