Sunday, February 24, 2008

still suffering.

You know how sometimes the most basic stuff will be staring you in the face but you're somehow still blinded to it? I've had a lot of moments like that this week. I'll share one.

It was Friday night care group. We've been talking about suffering, in correspondence with what we've been learning in Sunday meeting. I talked with Jessica last week about the subject of singleness... how it can be a source of suffering. And how that's frustrating because it's not like physical pain - if I had a more Godly mindset, I doubt it would cause the suffering it does because I would be content in my state as His child.

This past week (two days ago), though, it hit me that this insomnia has been a form of suffering too. And the physical type - like, it hurts, and it's not the kind of hurt I can reason my way out of. But have I been viewing it in the way we've been learning about? As a means of God fulfilling His purpose in me, of teaching, of temporary discomfort for reasons I may not understand till eternity, as a reason to seek His comfort and strength? No. It's just been "one of those things." You just suck it up and deal. No need to complain or focus on it - life is full of this sort of thing.

I feel like I've been missing the point... all the while having this prime example of what we've been learning. It's a means of grace reminding me of why I need to be humble - I'm weak, I need sleep, I can't survive without God sustaining me... and He's strong, worthy both of my worship and my pleading for healing. And now I'm both exhausted and getting sick with a headache that didn't ease up all day until I medicated it.

Okay, okay. I get it!

No comments: