Saturday, March 15, 2008

awareness of sin

I'm pretty self-righteous. I'm pretty good at catching sin and at least acknowledging it as such before getting caught up in a worship/sermon setting where it'll catch me off-guard and make me feel REALLY bad. I guess that just means... I'm pretty proud of my strivings toward humility.

Well, He got me last night.

I'd just left a voice message, "No, that's all right. No problem. I wasn't bothered at all."

WHAM. Right in the gut.

Not bothered by sin? Really? Not at all? Not a problem? Are you sure you want to say that?

Okay. All right. I'm think I'll go crawl in a hole now. Eight words into the first verse of the first song, "Sorry. I'm just going to chill out over here on the steps where I can curl up in a fetal position and wallow in this really, really strong condemnation."

Condemnation? No, love. That is not I. I will only convict you. I will show you your sin, draw you back to Myself.

*rocks back and forth* But look what I just did! I was evil. For HOURS. I didn't even see it. I was that blind. I didn't have time to deal with it before I entered worship. I. Am so. Ashamed.

But My child. Don't you hear what you're saying? If you were not Mine, if you were not forgiven already, would you care? Nay, would you even see it now? I've shown you, given you eyes to see, and shed blood enough to cover you. Come, rest in My peace, for I have not turned you away as you expect.

Sudden conviction catches me off-guard. So does the accompanying forgiveness. I'm grateful for both... and also for the good friends who wouldn't let me sit on the stairs alone but came and fought for me.

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