Monday, March 17, 2008

a thin layer

Maybe it goes back to this American dream of trying to do way too many things in the 24 hours we're given each day.

I am one person. I only stretch so thin - can only commit my heart, my time, my effort to SO many people, SO many hours of work, SO many hours to school, and still have time to rest, recharge, and take care of myself. (don't forget - even sleep is a necessary gift and a gracious reminder that we're incapable of going on forever)

1 Peter tells of the importance of passionately loving all those in the body of Christ, because we are one in Him. I sometimes feel like this is a charge to love everyone I know with equal vigor and effort. But... not possible! I don't have all THAT many friends, but even I have too many for that challenge. I need some who will know me deeply and walk close to me as we fight for each other and against our own sin natures on our journey towards Christ... but I cannot maintain that depth with everyone. I can't even be a good Facebook friend with everyone!

It's been a very real battle for me. Not wanting to fool myself into thinking I'm a big shot... not wanting to cut myself down to thinking I'm not important or needed at all... knowing when it's okay to say Yes and when No is the better choice.

It's hard to give up. "I can do all things through Christ!" Still... can it be a wise and loving choice to say, "I can't be there for you like you're asking. I honor you and I love you as a member of the same body, but I need to let those closer to you during this season of our lives be your emotional and spiritual support from now on, and let me can do the same with those who are closer to me"? Can it be MORE loving of an individual to admit that someone else can do a better job at actively loving that individual than I can, due to my limitations?

I believe it can... but I don't believe I'm very good at it.

1 comment:

Rina said...

I totally understand and agree with you. You can't be that person for everyone you know. I have a hard time being that person for the people I want to, including you. This might sound a little twisted, but I like it when people come to me with their burdens and right now I don't have a lot of people doing that and I miss it. While I am fairly busy and married, I still feel like I need to be investing my time into others because that is where my heart is. That is what God has given me a desire to do. So, I do understand what you're going through.